Mistakes.
"I waited..
I waited since Fall for the time to come.
I waited for "MY" turn to being with "HIM".
I had high hopes.
I wished for that one specific guy.
I wanted his love.
I wanted him to love me and love like no other.
He was the guy!
He was the face I saw in the crowd.
HE was the one I fought for!
The one I risked drama for.
He's the one I love, and the one I need.
Without him, my life would NOT be complete. "
I'm not saying I need a guy to complete me? I know I am better than that. I was perfectly fine before! Even before I started dating. I could go back to the past and live my life like back in the day. But for some strange reason? I can't get over the fact that, this is the only fckn' relationship I can't let go of. Am I scared? Yes, i'm scared! I'm scared of getting hurt. Am I afraid? Yeah, i'm afraid! Afraid of losing the one I really love. This is the only person that could cause me so much missery and pain. Cos' this is BY FAR the best damn relationship I have EVER had! You don't eveeen knooow.. Noone has ever made me feel this way before. I neeever ever been so in love with a guy? This guy? The guy I call "my boyfriend"? He left me with great memories. And thinking about all those times we spent together. All those kickits'. All that fun. All those late night talks. All them shit talkers, fakes and haters? That could all change! That could fade away and disappear in the dust inna heartbeat. I think thats one reason why i'm so scared of us going our ways. I don't want to see him leave. I don't want him to walk out of my life. I don't wanna lose him! I really, really love him. And I think it'd kill me inside not having him around, with me, and not in my life =/
Six months exclusively.
Damn. Not even a week into Summer break and I already messed up big time. I never thought I could fuck up this bad! I never thought i'd be this sorry? I could apologize a thousand times but nothing would change what happened that one night. I never ever thought i'd put this relationship in such danger? I never had one single thought in my mind about us two breakin' up cos' of me. Whyyyy did I have to go out and make a fool out of myself? Why did I have to make such a big mistake? Cuhhhhs, you don't even know how bad I feel. I hella hurt him over something unforgivable. But yet, he forgave me? Whyyy? I have nooo clue? VULNERABLE? Yeah, I "AM" capable of getting hurt right now. I think I deserve it? But he gave me another chance? Porque? Iono, Ima take this second chance, and think twice and wisely before I do something hella dumb again. I'm not tryna put this relationship at risk again. I love my boyfriend a little waaay too much.
Again,
I'm Sorrrrrry! ='(
I'd stay on the computer for an endless amount of time and blog. But naaawh.
BTW; To: BEBBZ Geluz, Happy Birthday. Love ya.
♥kimmmy.